God, i just feel like dying. Everything in my life feels like its just a thorn in my side. I have nothing, nobody understands me, i'm constantly a source of anxiety for my loved ones. I hate this. I hate living like this. And yet im not allowed to kill myself- no, that would be too cruel to everyone stupid enough to be invested in me. it's fucked up. im literally only alive so nobody will be sad and my reward for that is to suffer myself.